Tuesday.

March 31, 09 at 8:08 am (Uncategorized)

SO life has been super crazy busy. PLEASE don’t stop moving! When we stand still that is when we have no productivity in our lives. I am so excited about this next sunday I can barely stand still! I just want to dance scream and shout! God is definitely moving in this state and it is unlike anything I have ever experienced! How can one not be moving? How can we just sit there and stand still! GET A MOVE ON IT!

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Wednesday.

March 24, 09 at 10:28 am (Uncategorized)

So I have been trying to look at my life from the outside. Almost I am evaluating my life as if it wasn’t even my own. Here is how it looks so far. I am placing my hope in unhopeful things. I am putting “my ladder” on breakable walls without even realizing it. I am so happy to have Mike as my pastor. He puts things into perspective. I recently asked a friend how does he even put his faith in God how does he lean on Him and Him alone. He told me that we need to meditate on Him push for Him and know that nothing else matters. Honestly nothing else does matter apart from Him. Where would we be if He wasn’t the only thing that mattered? We wouldn’t even be here without Him. I have been struggling with this mind set my whole life. My whole walk with Him I have been trying to place my hope in something other than Him all the while He has been sitting there saying…Look at me. Just look at me. Hope in me. Trust me. How many times do you say just trust me and you know that person doesn’t really trust you? How awful does that make you feel when you know that you are telling the truth. I think that God looks at us when we say we trust you and He knows in His heart we really don’t it breaks His heart. I forget how much He loves us. How much He cares. We break His heart and we don’t even realize it.

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Wednesday.

March 4, 09 at 9:15 am (Uncategorized)

Weird going to be seeing my Dad today he called me… Having lunch. I don’t know what we are going to talk about at all. haha.. wish me luck? very short post 🙂

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Tuesday.

March 3, 09 at 6:13 pm (Uncategorized)

Sunday was awesome. Me and Joann finally got together and talked about Cinema Children things and got more ideas brewing. I am really excited about the things to come with Cinema Church and I can not wait for us to just EXPLODE! I am still get things in line and I def. have to start relying on God so much more. I have been a little down the past week for some reason I “fell off the horse” with the different Bible studies I have been doing and I started slacking on spending time with God. Sometimes I loose focus and look at all the other people at my age running around doing whatever they want whenever they want spending all sorts of money going out getting drunk/high whatever it may be. I see them having “fun” in a sense. That’s when I start comparing. BUT I have realized I don’t need to do all that “cool stuff” to be cool. I don’t need to be stupid and being wild to have a good time. SO now that I am over that little blip in emotion I realized WHY I love God so much and WHY I need to be different why I WANT to be different. It is so much more than a good time. What they have will not last forever and it is very empty and usually ends in heart ache. It is all just a cover up for the way they really feel about themselves. Lonely/shameful/abused/scared…There are so many people out there who go do stupid things just so they can feel something other than their own pain. I am free because I know Jesus is my Lord and my Saviour I know that I am always loved by Him. I just wish they knew how it feels to be loved unconditionally by someone. I have been thinking about things like this. How can I help? How can I show people that life is so much more than they know. This world is DEPRESSING without something to live for. And it breaks my heart.

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Saturday.

February 28, 09 at 2:49 pm (Uncategorized)

Okay, people are crazy thats all I can say. Why do we as people always wait until the last minute! It drives me crazy…yet whenever I am on the other side of it I expect them to be understanding. No wonder we are human. We think that we are the most important thing! I want God to break this in me. Take me apart and start thinking of others!

I got that out haha. Anyways I am excited to say tomorrow will be the first Sunday Aidan will be able to get an actual lesson at Cinema Church! I am so thrilled we got the curriculum in so we can start teaching our little ones the love of God! We are still working towards where we need to be but at least we are moving! I CAN’T WAIT FOR TOMORROW!

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Monday.

February 10, 09 at 7:31 pm (Uncategorized)

So I have been really doing a lot of thinking about the Kids ministry lately I really want to work with kids for the rest of my life. I hope this is where God wants me to be. I’ve been thinking so much about it and I would hate to be going somewhere God doesn’t want me to be. I’ve been thinking so much it has been keeping me up at night. I can’t sleep any more it just breaks my heart to think about all these kids who don’t know anything I knew as I was growing up. I sometimes forget how lucky I am to have gone to a Christian school and to go to church. I just don’t want someone to grow up not knowing the love of Christ or someone else in their life. I just want so badly for everyone to know that they are loved in some way or form! I don’t even know where to begin I know what I want to do but I don’t know where to start I need help with this. There are so many things I need to get organized and I need to get figured out before I can be where I need to be with this. I think I have a good start? I don’t know haha ANYONE have any suggestions on how to properly run a kid’s ministry without having a clue as to how to relate to 2 or 3 year olds? I would love some ideas on how to do this haha.

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Sunday.

February 8, 09 at 6:45 pm (Uncategorized)

So I don’t know why I didn’t post about this earlier but one day this guy came into my job. He looked at my necklace and said you have a fish on your neck. I said yeah I do. haha he said why do you have it there? My reply was well it is for my faith, I am a christian. WELL I did not realize this would start a huge discussion as to how christians are today and how we need to be in the word everyday because we need to be close to God and how pastors are always about just money and that they are not what they should be. I spoke up at this point and was like oh my pastor is not like that he isn’t at all about just the money. So he asked me his name and what church I go to. I explained I was a part of a church plant and that my pastors name was Mike. He asked me the last name so I said Larkin. He persisted that he knew him and his whole family. I was like you probably don’t know him. “Oh yeah he lives in haddam doesn’t he. I know mike really well his dad is so-and-so.” (me) “Um I really don’t think you know him.” (him) “Oh yeah I know him he has a brother, yeah I know him.” (me) ” haha nope not the right guy” This went on for a little bit he didn’t believe me. But a lady came up to me after she heard the whole conversation and said just so you know you handled that very well. I was like oh okay. It was just funny because we as Christ followers have made such a name for ourselves. I just want people to know that it is not like that at all! Yes, we love God but that does not mean we are hungry for just your money and don’t want you to know who He really is. It just made me laugh.. “Oh yeah I know him yeah I know him really well.” UHH NOPE! Mike you’re awesome for not being the type of pastor he was talking about! I KNOW I can speak on behalf of everyone I know WE LOVE YOU!

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Tuesday.

February 3, 09 at 10:05 am (Uncategorized)

As I sit here and think of everything. I think of how little I am and how I get in my own way ALL the time. I want so badly to just say God here I have nothing do with it you may. I have decided to take the higher road with God I am going to devote everything I have to Him and I am tired of getting in my own way. I am done with this life I am giving it to Him ALL to HIM! I am just so exhausted from my mistakes. Whenever I mess up is just me telling myself you are can’t do it alone. You can’t do this alone you need me. So God here is am take my brokenness, my unworthy soul, my everything, and use me how you will. I am yours God I am forever yours I am tired of living on my own and putting you to the wayside. I want so badly to do what you want me to. I am done with putting everything before you. I am done with guys, with anything that doesn’t have you in it. Consume me everything of you take me take everything in me Lord. TAKE ME. USE ME. SO if you are a guy and want to be with me. HA GOOD LUCK! never going to happen! You’ll have to go through God and He is not so willing to give me up to just any one. Friends? Yes, I have many, but will I choose them wisely you better believe I will. So if you are willing to put up with the fact I love God with every ounce and I am not willing to compromise any more then you will stay if not you can always find someone else who will feel the same as you do. God, YOU are ALL I need and ALL I want! forever!

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Monday.

January 26, 09 at 1:18 pm (Uncategorized)

Bah I got sick. 😦 so today is filled with being bed ridden until my stomach decides to stop being weird. But hey I got to get out of work. I am going to get some reading and laundry done. I also get to eat lots of TOAST!!!

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Sunday.

January 25, 09 at 6:40 pm (Uncategorized)

So I started reading more books. They have been changing my mind on so many things opening my soul.. They have been touching me in so many different ways. I am trying to get closer to God. Everything just seems so much easier with Him in my life. I love more I feel more. I just don’t know how to explain it. It feel so amazing. God YOU are amazing. YOU are Love. I started reading “The Shack” it is a book where a guy goes through immense pain and he is unable to let go and blames God. So many times we blame God for things. But he goes through life with this “great sadness” on his shoulders and he is unable to release that “great sadness” until he goes to the shack of pain, his pain. God meets him there. God meets us in our pain. He can’t take the pain we go through away, but he meets us in it and He just wants to heal us so badly. It is just like if you are a parent you want to take your child’s pain away, but you can’t because it is their pain, but what do you do? You sit there with them and you help them through their pain you in a sense are healing them from their pain. That is how God is with us He wants to restore us in our relationship with Him and He wants to just wrap His loving arms around us when we are going through pain and just heal us. He loves us all and wants all of us to be restored in Him! He wants to laugh with us, cry with us, smile with us, and so much more. He wants to be our best friends, our everything! That is what I want Him to be in my life. I want to wake up to Him, fall asleep to Him and just be able to be filled with so much joy because He is the light inside of me just tickling my inner being. God is just full of so much love how can we not love Him? How can we not want to be so close to Him? I don’t even know. Life is dull and boring with out Him. How can we look at the ocean the huge ocean without seeing His eyes through every single glisten it makes… It just drives me crazy to think about.. AHHHH. I just want to smile forever!

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