Saturday.
I have been thinking so much lately just about how I can improve myself and where I am lacking in areas. I started reading Ephesians 3… and I came upon a passage talking about how wide and long and deep God’s love is… How His love surpasses all knowledge. We can’t even fathom how much He really loves us. I don’t feel it any more. I have come to that brick wall. The wall I have put in place between me and God. I have been thinking of how to move it. Hm. can’t move a brick wall, too heavy. So I thought walk around it? Nope, never ending. What about going over it? Nope, too high. I have built it so high so I couldn’t get hurt right? Wrong I have put a wall up between me and God because I am afraid. Scared of what He wants me to do. What if I can’t do it. One brick down. What if I am too inexperienced? Another brick down. I keep asking all of these doubtful questions all of them another brick added to my never ending wall of shame inbetween me and God. The God who loves me without a shadow of a doubt. A God whose love is unfathomable. A God whose love is so wide, so deep, so great. How could I let myself build this wall between us? over time. it happens over time. Now all I can hear myself say is ruin me Lord. Ruin me and the wall I have put between us. Ruin me…..ruin me….ruin me Lord. Make me fall flat on my face before you break my wall. Ruin me.
