Monday.
Bah I got sick. 
so today is filled with being bed ridden until my stomach decides to stop being weird. But hey I got to get out of work. I am going to get some reading and laundry done. I also get to eat lots of TOAST!!!
Sunday.
So I started reading more books. They have been changing my mind on so many things opening my soul.. They have been touching me in so many different ways. I am trying to get closer to God. Everything just seems so much easier with Him in my life. I love more I feel more. I just don’t know how to explain it. It feel so amazing. God YOU are amazing. YOU are Love. I started reading “The Shack” it is a book where a guy goes through immense pain and he is unable to let go and blames God. So many times we blame God for things. But he goes through life with this “great sadness” on his shoulders and he is unable to release that “great sadness” until he goes to the shack of pain, his pain. God meets him there. God meets us in our pain. He can’t take the pain we go through away, but he meets us in it and He just wants to heal us so badly. It is just like if you are a parent you want to take your child’s pain away, but you can’t because it is their pain, but what do you do? You sit there with them and you help them through their pain you in a sense are healing them from their pain. That is how God is with us He wants to restore us in our relationship with Him and He wants to just wrap His loving arms around us when we are going through pain and just heal us. He loves us all and wants all of us to be restored in Him! He wants to laugh with us, cry with us, smile with us, and so much more. He wants to be our best friends, our everything! That is what I want Him to be in my life. I want to wake up to Him, fall asleep to Him and just be able to be filled with so much joy because He is the light inside of me just tickling my inner being. God is just full of so much love how can we not love Him? How can we not want to be so close to Him? I don’t even know. Life is dull and boring with out Him. How can we look at the ocean the huge ocean without seeing His eyes through every single glisten it makes… It just drives me crazy to think about.. AHHHH. I just want to smile forever!
Tuesday.
First off Sunday night was amazing! I have never felt so alive in Christ. He just completely broke me and reassured me that I do have feelings. 
God knows just the right thing to say to me when I need Him. He knows how to melt my heart and how to make me realize I can do things through Him. He love us SO much! Which makes me love Him all the more! God has been speaking to my heart and has been melting it more and more every day. I just want so much of Him it is crazy. I would so anything for Him…
Any who that brings me to my next point. Our pastor is so awesome! His vision is so immensely BIG. He wants to see God move so much in our state. His passion for lost people makes me all that more love God and it just gets me fired up. Mike, you are the best pastor anyone could ask for! I know WE ALL LOVE YOU!
Okay. I have been reading Ephesians so much lately and it is just making me realize how much God wants us to work together as a team. We were not meant to live this life alone we were meant to work as one. We can’t do everything we weren’t created for everything. It says in Ephesians 4 we are to humble ourselves. Humble ourselves? Why? We are suppose to humble ourselves so we can allow other to use their gifts and talents too. If I don’t humble myself every once and a while man would things suck! I can’t do much but what I can I do well. If I tried to do something I can’t do because of pride it would look terrible. HUMBLE YOURSELF FOOL! Let someone else do it! haha. love each other build each other up. Encouragement is awesome. when someone thinks they are going to just die when someone encourages them it is like someone pumped adrenaline into their veins it is awesome. God encourages us through His word. When we feel He is not there it is because we don’t let Him be there. God is slowly breaking my wall. The wall I have placed around my heart. All because of poor choices I have made, but God is so much stronger than me I just need to give Him my heart and nothing will be able to hurt me because I have the big guy on my side! Alright well I am done here for now haha.
Saturday.
I have been thinking so much lately just about how I can improve myself and where I am lacking in areas. I started reading Ephesians 3… and I came upon a passage talking about how wide and long and deep God’s love is… How His love surpasses all knowledge. We can’t even fathom how much He really loves us. I don’t feel it any more. I have come to that brick wall. The wall I have put in place between me and God. I have been thinking of how to move it. Hm. can’t move a brick wall, too heavy. So I thought walk around it? Nope, never ending. What about going over it? Nope, too high. I have built it so high so I couldn’t get hurt right? Wrong I have put a wall up between me and God because I am afraid. Scared of what He wants me to do. What if I can’t do it. One brick down. What if I am too inexperienced? Another brick down. I keep asking all of these doubtful questions all of them another brick added to my never ending wall of shame inbetween me and God. The God who loves me without a shadow of a doubt. A God whose love is unfathomable. A God whose love is so wide, so deep, so great. How could I let myself build this wall between us? over time. it happens over time. Now all I can hear myself say is ruin me Lord. Ruin me and the wall I have put between us. Ruin me…..ruin me….ruin me Lord. Make me fall flat on my face before you break my wall. Ruin me.
