Monday.
okay so I haven’t exactly been on here in a while and I apologize there really is no good excuse I can say without it being totally lame. Well here is what is going on in my life. I applied to tunxis community college and was accepted. I am going back to school. Cinema church is going swimmingly so far. I have been thinking about many different things like where am I needed and where will I fit best. I am thinking I need to talk to God more. I feel as if I have been letting Him down lately. Which will probably explain why my feelings of self worth have been going slopingly down. I wish I didn’t fail so much. I am only human but that is no excuse. I am tired of lame excuses I want to get into a really strong fellowship with other women my age. I am stoked about starting up a small group with girls my age and not my mother. yes I love my mother but c’mon there is only so much you can share comfortably when parents are around. Today was a good day because it showed me that when I feel the lowest of the low my friends are here and that I do infact have friends who do love me and are willing to be there for me even if their b/f wants to see them. My brain is on an overload of information and I am just spilling it all out. There are people in my life I am so thankful they are there. People I take advantage of and wish I showed them more. Sometimes I ask God where are you? Why do you seem so far away from me? Now I see it is more God saying where are you? why have you gone from me? I just don’t know any more. BLAHHH is what I a thinking right now. How does it seem so much easier for other people? I know this is not an easy walk but how do some people just say HEY JESUS I am laying it all in your hands. I wish I could do that I WANT to do that. I will. I want to open an orphanage one day I want to go into full time ministry I want to serve the Lord with every ounce of my being. I just feel like I am never good enough to. Not worthy to even stand on something He made. Not worthy to even be alive. Which is why I owe my entire life to Him. I am not sure where I am going. I am going no where thats for sure. So I am ending this.
